Smoke talks about his life.

[Ƨmokieƨ]

So, I don't really know where to put this. I hardly know why I'm doing it.
I just feel like I should tell you a bit about myself. The real me.

Okay, for starters, I'm male, 13, Australian, though you probably know that.
Yes, that means when I joined ShC I was 12 (i dunno if you knew that).
I'm diagnosed with Asperges Syndrome, although I think I have other mental illnesses. I'm coming out of depression, and I've mastered my anger management problems.

The Smoke you knew was an underage, immature idiot, who took pleasure in annoying you with what he thought was "clever".
I've changed. A lot.
Just know that I would never behave like I did again.
I was depressed, foolish, and idiotic.
I eventually managed to "cure" my depression by becoming, essentially, a snarky douche. However, recently, I saw what I had become, and broke into my depression again.
I realised what I had done wrong, and I turned over a new leaf - to forever be a lot nicer to people in general.
Slowly, my depression faded, and I'm actually genuinely smiling for the first time in years.
But now I've come out of it, you'd think my life would be nice, right?
Nope. Not even a little.

I am MAJORLY stressed at the moment, by a variety of things. All my friends are now depressed, suicidal, or temper prone, sometimes flipping out for no reason on innocent people.
(Wow, now that I type that out, sounds just like what I used to be.)
I've recieved suicide notes from my friends recently.

Another problem is the aforementioned leaf turning; I'm trying to be nice, but..
Everyone else is becoming worse.
And I just don't know what to do.

To top it all off, while I am genetically male, I have doubts if that is my true purpose. I think I will be a transvestite by the end of the year, but not yet.

I also feel that I'm going insane, fantasy taking over my mind. And to be honest, I'm scared.

I still don't really know why I made this post, and I'm sorry for soiling an otherwise happy forum with it's general depressiveness.

[⊱`$achibelle`⊰]

I hear where you're coming from. <.> all my friendies thought I was emo last year. (I would've been if I could cut myself. I usually squeal in terror at the thought of it though)

I also get the "Why was I born a *insert gender here* D8<" thing. I've felt like that a lot, because at school I sound like one of the guys (not in pitch, just the wordings and stuff).

Anywho, you're not bothering anyone, just don't post suicide notes or anything ;A;. Remember, we love our Rainbow Family X3 We're like a pack of skittles~

[Dʀ. ∀xǝ]

Omg everyone tells about themselves yay!111
What I don't get about this, your and /probably/ most of your friends' age rages somewhere near 13, right? Why aren't you people out on your bicycles, or playing, or something. I say it's just some mass-psychosis, I don't believe any 13-year old people would actually suicide. But whatever, I'm no psychologist.

Yay Axe tells about herself now too.
I have NO syndrome, NO incurable disease. No nothing. I haven't really been in ''the real depression''. I'm saying that because ''Depressed'' has become some new fashion, every time someone is sad/angry they're definitely ''depressed''. Hah.
Yes, I'm a tomboy. Yes, I might seem like a pessimist, maybe I am one, thought I consider myself a realist. I'm interested in art, and I consider picking it up as a future job. So now you ask what's so ''tomboy'' about me? No? Well. In kindergarten I fought imaginary dragons with my pals, while other girls played with dolls. Convinced, no? I was 9 years old when my dad gave me a country cross motorcycle as a gift. I learned to ride by myself at the age of .. 12/13? Now I have two motorcycles. The old country cross, and and an even older, soviet bike from the 90's. I plan on fixing it and tuning it a bit. What else. I like rock, metal, whatever you'd like to call the style of music I like.

As for the ''living in a fantasy world'' or whatever you'd like to call it; shit happens, dude, it'll pass with a headache.

Axe out.

[F A W N Z I E]

I'd rather not tell about myself, since no one wants to hear about my confusing, messed-up life. Long story short, my parents spend 25 dollars at the pet store for clothes and toys for my mom's hairless cat but don't buy me a 20 dollar jacket at the mall. There's alot more, but I'm not going to share that.

As for the part where when you start being nice, everyone else starts being depressed? My outlook on that is, everyone in this world is depressed, in one form or another. If anyone tries to come out of it, they see how depressed their "happy" friends are. I also think that, if someone seems happy, the depressed people try to vent and feel better by talking to the happy person. In december I found out that one of my guyfriends, who I had known for years, was emo and considered suicide everyday.

And Axe, this isn't meant as a downer, but I know alot of 12/13 year olds that have tried to/considered suicide. Heck, one of my friends stabbed herself in the chest with lead when she was in 2nd grade(and yes, on purpose.)

[`miss kat]

I don't know any of you very well, and quite frankly...everyone goes through this stage in life. I'm turning 20 this year (yes, I'm THAT old, scary.) When I was your age, a lot of things seemed depressing and I was depressed. My dad went to Iraq for a year, I didn't have any friends because I moved all the time, and it sucked. But, I got over it.

Suicide is not the answer. Overused, I know, but think about it. Would you want your mom or dad to kill themselves? Do you know what sort of emotional damage that is for a family? I do. I lost two cousins in the span of a year thanks to suicide. It left our family pretty well broken. And it still is. But again, that's beside the point. I'm not here to talk about myself. I'm here to talk to you, because you clearly need someone who will listen and give you advice.

As for being gender confused, it's not at all surprising considering the society we're growing up in. Yes, you're in Australia so things are a bit different there, but it can't be that different. I discovered I was Pansexual by the end of seventh grade. If you don't know what that means, it's pretty much...I love everyone for who they are. Not what they look like.

All in all. This is a phase all teenagers go through. Call it the early-life crisis. Where you can't find your place in the world. It'll pass, you just have to keep trudging and remember that no matter how you feel, there are people out there who love you deeply. It just takes time to find them.

I used to be a cutter, and I'm not proud of it, but after my mom read my diary and found out, she got me help. And as much as I resented her for it, I felt better because I knew she cared. Perhaps you should seek someone out and see about talking to a therapist about your problems. It really helps. I mean, it helped me and I hate people.

As for fantasy taking over your mind, have you considered going outside for a day and avoiding electronics? That generally helps. Your mind is trying to be imaginative and you could be depressing it, making it act out of wack. If it continues, I really think you should talk to a doctor.

If you want to talk to me more, feel free to PM me, I'm majoring in psychology, so I might be able to help you out a little bit.

[ℛed]

Well actually, a normal 13 year old wouldn't actually suicide, or even consider it. They'd have no reason to, they're barely teenagers, they barely know what kind of shit world will give them. It's the society we live in that has corrupted pretty much everyone, including them. Just think about how many 10 and 12 year olds are on the internet nowadays, and what kind of stuff they read about. Think about what kind of f ... up families exist in the world. Of course and they'll consider suicide under such circumstances.

Well Smoke, on your case, I have to say it actually sounds a little unprobable. A bunch of kids who claim to be suicidal and depressed for appearantly no reason. Just tell them they should stop watching TV? I understand certain kids nowadays feeling depressed or suicidal, because their parents broke up, died, got killed, or for whatever similar reason. But an avarage 13 year old can't really be suicidal just because.

Being nice...
I feel you, Smoke, ahaha.
Somebody once told me, being nice to the people you like, it's easy. But being nice to the people you hate, that's a skill. Do it.
My opinion? You should be nice to the people who can actually bother to be nice to you. Others, you can just ignore, simple as that. Except if you want to be the big boy and attempt to be nice to them first. This method usually fails for me so I don't recommend it ahaha.

Well, to end, I actually agree with Axe, and not simply because she's my pal, but because she actually has a point. Being depressed does appear to be some kind of new fashion nowadays, and pretty much everybody claims to be depressed and/or suicidal just to get attention. I myself do have an incurable disease, but instead of cutting myself, I'm actually attempting to do something for it. Will it fail, I sure am not going to jump off some roof's building, even though I've considered it. Thinking about and actually be tempted to do it are two totally different cases.

...And, holy mother of God, I haven't actually ever met ONE girl who doesn't claim to be a tomboy. One girl who actually "played with dolls". Dafuq, maybe tomboy is the normal cases, and dolls are ... nevermind I just woke up.
/runs away screaming